Urban Outfitters has unveiled its latest collection of bedding products sure to please any consumer. Well, at least any consumer who’s looking for that perfect bedding set that screams “Look at me, society! I shop at thrift stores for ironic retro t-shirts and sport a quirky mustache! Notice me please!” Of course, what else would you expect from a clothing and accessories store which sells checkerboard Vans slip-ons and retro ‘90s fanny packs? They’re just so quirky, right? Your Instagram followers are gonna love that new fanny pack! Isn’t it just so fun being quirky?

Urban Outfitters’ bedding lines make use of simple, minimalist patterns depicting many of the things the hip bearded kids at the record store like most: line drawings of sloths, cats, and avocados. You know, cool kid stuff. Prices range from $89 for a twin up to $129 for a king. It’s important to note that on the Urban Outfitters website, bedding is found under “Apartment” rather than “Home Goods” or something similar. Who’s really going to have a king bed in an apartment shared with three other dudes?

These are not sheets to be slept on before landing your first grown-up job. These are the sheets you wake up on before heading hungover to your part-time gig at a burrito truck in Portland well into your mid-30’s. Don’t worry – you’ll “find yourself.” Just try another Where the Wild Things Are tattoo.

Of course, Urban Outfitters also includes some more modest, more plain bedding for the young, urban sophisticate who actually has a sense of dignity or taste outside of the postmodern. I mean, who really wants to sleep on a bed covered in avocados? Ever tried to sleep with guacamole in your bed? I have, and let me tell you: it ain’t fun. Still, avocado sheets are better than giant panty pillowcases I suppose. Remember when beds were for sleeping and not for asserting your quirkiness?

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